Ding Dong Ding Dong...
The shrill peals of the bell wafted throughout the house continuously. Why can't they wait for the door to be opened; it's like someone has put Fevicol on the bell switch and their finger, thought Amy as she slipped on the last button of her top and ran towards the door, ready to blast whoever it was outside. She opened her mouth along with the door, but both remained open. She couldn't say anything in front of the tight hug she got from her best friend Riya, who had sprung a surprise on her with a visit from Mumbai.
"My gosh Amy, what took you so long to open the door? My fingers are paining by all that ringing your damn bell," grinned Riya. "It's soo good to see you too dear," Amy laughed, " And mind you, you nearly got a beating from me for all that noise. And wow, you are looking so awesome. Dressed to kill someone? New boyfriend maybe?"
Riya jumped on the plush sofa and threw her bags around. "Arre nahi yaar, I was bored silly with hubby off to USA and kiddo out to her summer camp. So I thought I will drive down to Goa for a couple of days. I know you have a room ready for me always," laughed Riya. But no one could deny that she was looking hot with her clothes and her inherent sexiness. Tight faded blue jeans accentuated her rotund hips while the white top showed off a healthy body. Riya had always been that way right from their college days. She was the heartthrob of every second guy around, and she knew how to break hearts easily too. Amy was not bad looking by the way. Her tiny petite figure was no match to her friend, but she still had enough to attract people.
"So hubby not here and you dressed this way...I am sure some fish has been caught in your net," Amy couldn't help but ask. "If only," sighed Riya, " it's been a month since he is gone, and I m desperately missing him. But you know I am a Sati Savitri now," she sighed.
"Sati Savitri my foot," snapped Amy. She was well aware of what Riya was capable of. And they both laughed out loud.
"Arre seriously, kuch karo mere liye."
Amy pondered," What can I do yaar. It's not like we can go to the market and buy someone. Why don't you join some Kitty party group like me?"
"You and Ur parties!!! Guess you are of no use to me after all. Hai re meri kismat," nautanki Riya was at it again. Amy laughed and said," By the way, I have another bad news for you. There will be no one in the house tonight. I have to go to Margao for a family function. Hubby has gone to Belgaum and will be back tomorrow. I will return by early morning so u don't worry about breakfast etc. I am sorry, but I really can't miss the function".
Riya just couldn't believe her bad luck. She will have to stay all alone at night...and no one even to talk with. She could have gone to her mother's for the night, who stayed in the same town, but then why face unnecessary queries from her regarding her visit. She decided to spend the night by herself.
Amy left pretty soon, and Riya took the help of the TV to get entertained. She had an early dinner and crept in the bed in one of the guest rooms wishing for sleep which eluded her. She really needed some company, someone to talk to, some one who could help her pass the time, and probably the night. Not that she wanted to do anything wrong, but loneliness was not something she was used to. Lost in her thoughts, she was not aware of how much time had passed.
And just then she heard the main door lock click. She sat up in her bed at once. Who could it be? A robber? Amy? She was never so scared before.
And then she heard Roy's voice. Roy was Amy's husband. He must have returned a day early from his trip, she thought. Should she go out and greet him? She would have to dress properly for that, and she was not in any mood to do so. Maybe she will make tea for him in the morning and surprise him.
Very soon the house went silent once again. Roy must have gone to sleep, and so should she, but it was miles away from her. Her thoughts turned to Roy. He was a pretty good looking guy and very funny. He always put her at ease, and openly flirted everytime. She knew he used to eye her occasionally, but it wasn't something to worry about. After all, almost every guy she knew wanted to get in her sheets. But now the more she thought about it, the more she started feeling it, and it was troubling her. She desperately needed a guy, and there was one nearby. Should she go out to him? Will he tell Amy and destroy their friendship? Can she get him to agree that it's just a one time fling?
Just then the electricity went off, and the entire house, and town got wrapped in blackness. She was losing her control. She needed the warmth that he could provide to her, and there was no stopping her now. She would spent just an hour or so with him, and come back to her room. The darkness will hide her shame and her lust, even from her.
Clinging to her gown, she crept out of her bed and room, walked to the master bedroom, opened it slowly, and disappeared in the darkness.
Riya was in high spirits in the morning as she prepared breakfast for herself and Roy, who had still not got out of his room. Must be still lost in my dreams, she smiled, and hummed a song as she applied butter to a toast. The ringing of the doorbell brought her out of her thoughts and she opened the door - it was Amy with Roy.
She got confused for a second, but then cleared her thoughts and smiled. Roy must have gone out early to bring Amy back. Clearly he is scared that he will not be able to keep his hands off me.
"Glad you are up Riya. Did you know that Roy came home last night? He wasn't aware that you are inside."
"Oh, I didn't know," Riya said. "I must have been sound asleep."
"I guess so," Roy replied. "I rushed out as soon as I came to go to the function in Margao. Wanted to surprise Amy." Now it was the turn of Riya to be surprised once again. "By the way, my driver was sleeping here at night. Since I wasn't aware of your stay, I let him sleep here. Had told him to sleep on the sofa, but this bugger must have slept in my room. Hope he didn't scare you."
Just then they heard the sound of the flush of the toilet and a lean dark man with nearly rotten teeth came out. His face was pockmarked, and his clothes were a bit stained with grease. He smiled sheepishly while scratching his stomach, and stood in a corner. And intermittently stared at Amy while Roy scolded him. Riya just couldn't believe her bad luck. So this was the guy who she was with last night, thinking it was Roy!!! And all this while, Amy couldn't understand why the guy was smiling at her as if she was his girlfriend. And all that Roy could smell was the food. "Breakfast!!",  he exclaimed, as he ran towards the kitchen, leaving two very confused women behind along with a very lucky man!!!

Whither you go, my friend
Wag your tail, tis your only errand
As I pulled on your chain, in vain
A little boy me, and you, in the rain

You swooned over each bit, each pebble
As you pulled me over stinky rubble
Who lead whom, does it matter?
Two friends walking in silent chatter

Cocking your ears at every whisper
Pointing your tail, standing as you were
Rubbing your nose on my knees
Wetting it up after every sneeze

Every boy needs a friend like you
A part of his mischief, and bedlam too
If only you could sleep up in my bed
If only mom would let you, and not be mad

Now I walk alone in the rain and sun
I guess you had your share of fun
The chain still hangs behind the door
The walks now feel more like a chore

It's been just a day since you kicked the bucket
Silently, in your sleep, nary a racket
Just beautiful memories left back for me
A boy and his dog, we will always be

The Retrenchment of Solitude

We all have dreams...some which we forget the moment we get up, some which we remember, and some which we want to forget but cannot. A few people seem to live the life of their dreams, but then who can actually qualify it as something which they long for? Life, atleast the physical one which we count in breathes, becomes passe when it comes to living it as an experience of illusions. It extends only till the last breath, till the last exhalation, till the last flutter of nose hair. There is no vagueness in this; there is only hollowness to understand.

There is a lot to learn, and a lot to experience. There is a lot to feel, and a lot to emote. There is a lot to give up, including your own self. After all, what is there in your mind other than the myriad network of illusions that seem to take you to a final understanding, but make you lose your path, and squeal in laughter as you search for a way out - laughter which culminates in tears. Tears need not be only as an extension to sorrow, and then need not always find a path out. We cry because we need to, because the storm always needs to let itself out in a downpour. That is the only way it can handle itself, isn't it? And whatever we do in life, the result is always associated with a storm that brews in our soul. Do you still think tears are only for sorrowful reasons?

Pathetically​, we have become machines, and hiding our emotions is what we expect and is expected from us. We are not even half the humans we were supposed to be. And as I already said before, the only life we live is the physical one. We have become detached from our own selves. We cannot share our feelings any more, not even to self. We are expected to remain emotionally disconnected with the most important people in our life. We are regularly told not to haunt the psyche of others.  What are we, if not islands in the sea of all-knowing yet ignorant humanity?

When was the last time you smiled through your heart, and not just with a curl of lips to emote a frozen smile. When was the last time you loved, and loved, and not questioned the reality of that love. When was the last time you cried over a fallen butterfly, and smiled with wonder at another one, all in the same breath, and yet didn't fake a single of these emotions. When was the last time you removed all masks, and told a person what they really mean to you. And when was the last time you just tried to be a human.

Solitude, it is time I kill you. I no longer want to be away from myself.

‌"Don't you stand so much in front of that mirror now. You know you look like a fairy. The most beautiful fairy in the world", his toothless mouth curled up into a silly smile. Not entirely toothless; that one brown stub of an erstwhile tooth added more character to his face than an entire set of sparkling dentures could ever have. His daughter Kirti, hardly paid any heed to his words, she was innocently lost in the reflection of her new dress just brought by her baba. The 10 year old had been hankering her father to get one, for weeks now. And now that he had bought it, she was in no mood to do anything else than admire herself, and giggle non-stop while doing so.

‌"Also don't go out to play like this. I do not want you to spoil your dress in any way."

‌"Don't worry Baba. I will not go out to play today. Can I please sleep in this dress tonight? It is so soft. I will wear it always," she giggled some more.

‌He didn't want to say anything that would burst her bubble of happiness. His thoughts went to his deceased wife. Aruna would have been very happy today. She loved her daughter very much, just as he did. If not for that fateful storm which had swept away half their village along with Aruna, destroyed farms, and diminished all their savings - they would have still been happily living there and busy working in their field. Nature's fury had turned their life on its head overnight.

‌Kirti's touch brought him back to the emptiness that the present world held in its wake. "Where is your watch Baba? Why did you take it off?"
‌He was stunned for a while. Then with some effort, he pushed himself away from her and said, "I lost it beta. I am not sure where. But I will keep on searching for it. It will be somewhere around, I am sure."

‌"Oh, you are so careless. It was Ma's only gift that you have na? Please find it. And if it's lost, please buy a new one for you. Your hand looks bare without it. You can sell my dress and use that money. I can do with the old one. Where will you search now in this big city?"

‌He hugged his daughter hard and wept inconsolable. "It is ok beta. The needs of the ones with us are more important than the memories of those gone. Watches will come and​ go, your happiness is worth more than anything else."
‌
‌The owner of the clothes shop was still laughing at the foolishness of that wheelchair bound beggar who bartered a Swiss watch worth 2000 rupees for a dress of 200!!!

Life is a big enigma. It will always pose queries, create issues, leave us speechless, and make us wonder about what to expect at the next step. And even though we will always be wishing to know the answers to all the doubts we have, sometimes it is better to leave it as it is. We can never know everything, and it is not worth it to run after every thread that we wish could lead us to what could clear our minds, and bring peace to us.

Its not our egos that create the mess for us, but our inability to handle them. Our needs don't create the mess for us, but the deficit in our wisdom that does. Our loves don't create the mess for us, but our inability to understand it and our selfishness make us inept to understand the requirements of love.

We cannot easily apologise. We take everyone for granted. And then we fall. We relate things which are not the same at all. And in the process, we do not let ourselves heal. We lose our true friends.

We know our apologies are due..n I want to wholeheartedly do so....the chance never comes back...the tide never rolls on again. I may have lost much time, but ultimately I will be winning against it.

Here's wishing strength n wisdom to all. May nature (or God) grant us this only hope of mine

I swear
There is nothing veracious
In the macabre makeup
That you perceive as truth
In the twilight of our love.

I know
I have erred in loving you
When all that you needed
Was passion of the sort
I never believed in.

It is true
I let you evolve
From someone you always were
To what I couldn't recognise
When your kisses
Were replaced by curses
By hatred, by distress
And there was nothing I could do.

There was nothing I could do
Because I let you mould me
Into a slave of your perception
A person I never was
A person you could never love

And as the percolated pain
Let itself hurt us
The truth hid behind
Every lie that stood within
And without our hearts.

And as I lay gasping
Waiting for you to smile
To love, to hold me
Against your heart
All I do is wait.

The fire may have burned out
The embers still ignite my love
For even in the wait is
A hope that doesn't die.
I just cannot let it die.

It was with a troubled mind that I went for a midnight walk down the road. Things have been pretty stressful recently, and health is not something I would refer to as in pink. Too many sudden decisions,  too many changes,  too many close people deciding to change...was just hoping that the stroll would reduce some of the toll!!!
As I was walking lost in my thoughts,  I nearly bumped into a dog who just didn't move from its place as local curs usually tend to do when humans get close to them (and that too a big one like me). I never hurt animals; there was no question of any attempt to shoo it away,  rather I would have preferred changing my path.  But something about the way the street light reflected in its eyes held me in my place.
There was infinite sadness there,  and it was not for its own sake. I was pretty much hypnotised,  and on its own, my hand reached out to it and patted it's back. Next moment I was sitting down with it,  and as I continued stroking it,  the lame dog (which I noticed only at that moment) laid down its head on my lap.  There was no fear,  there were no second thoughts ; it was as if we did this every now and then.
I opened the bottle of water I was carrying,  held it to its mouth,  and watched it's tongue happily lapping away at each n every drop it could stop from falling on the road.
Just then,  a dark shadow fell on us and for a moment,  being fully involved with the dog,  the trespasser scared me a bit. He was an aged guy,  who looked like a vagabond. There was nothing he could steal from me except the water bottle (and maybe some more of my peace of mind). As I stared up at him,  he smiled and asked for some water.  I politely told him that the dog has already spread all its spit around the mouth of the bottle,  and I didn't have any money with me for him. He smiled again and said he just needed the bottle - so I handed it to him. He drank the remaining water,  kept the empty bottle in his dirty jhola, sat down at a distance,  and asked me in fluent English about what I think will be the impact of El Nino and La Nina on the coming monsoons!!!
I was flabbergasted for some time,  and murmured something within my pharynx till I found my voice!
We leisurely talked on topics that ranged from nanotechnology to archaeology.  I didn't find it wise to ask who he was nor did he venture any clue. The dog moved from my lap,  and limped to him.  For a couple of minutes,  he lovingly caressed the dog and then looked at me,  smiled and said, 'We have a lot of things going in our minds... We talk of freeing our minds from the burden that we carry around. But it's not something we can do. Why don't we simply learn to live with that burden? The dog has learnt to live with its limp... I have learnt to live with what I could save,  you can live with the love that you have and which I can feel within you. Be a human,  don't try to be anything else. I wish u all the best.'
And then he was up and walked away without looking behind even once. The dog too trailed him,  and then they turned around a corner and vanished from my sight.
His words ran again and again in my mind like a looped cassette.  Who was he,  I would never know. All I knew was that by the time I reached back,  my own dog was standing,  panting,  yet waiting for me. It didn't expect me to change even if it did. And I knew it will be there waiting for me as usual, even if rest of the things around me changed constantly. Yes,  I will be there for my dog,  and for the people with me..... forever.... And just as a human, without trying to be anything else!!!

Love is all we have... What do we need more???

We humans find it very difficult to understand and accept the obvious..the truth the stares us in our face....because we have been taught to think like others... And not to just think!!!!

When the mind knows no peace...a dew drop can create more havoc than a thunderstorm!!

Religion
Thy name is discrimination
Your aim is to the cloak the truth
And human degeneration

You boast as the path to truth
But one thing is clear as a day
As much as I may want to know Him
A lie can never show me the way

So I prefer to be a lone ranger
You can have your multitude of vassals
Truth comes to those who seek it
And not to those who never had balls

What is existence?? A generally agreeable and under appreciated experience called a lifetime. A journey full of wonders that are overwhelmingly overlooked, and where every adventurous episode is called a risk. And where, by the end of it, history calculates it by the number of breathes completed, rather then by the number of experiences gained and energies transferred.

When I first heard your voice
The words didn't matter
I was so lost in the moment
That the answers didn't matter

I lost my own voice
I was so confused u see
I forgot what I had to say
All time just ceased to be

And it happens to this day..
Even though I have a lot to say

I stood among the varied wild flowers
Middle of the vast evocative meadow
No big trees to cut through the carpet
And no ethereal dark shadows

The light air carried the sweet smell
To the bells in the spire up high
and they tolled in merry abandonment
In rhythm with my heart's sweet sigh

As I stared in the blue yonder
through the hills high and bare
The butterflies hovered around me
Wondering what was caught in my stare

They couldn't know of my unseen smile
For it was guised by my longing for you
As my eyes stuck to the winding road
That was to carry you, sure and true

As you came through along in my sight
I moved forward towards your lonely trail
Reaching my hands out for a far off caress
You smile reached me, through the veil

Gosh!! Why did time not fly away
Just to let me get you in my arms
Please!! Don't let my wish be in vain
Please!! Don't let me be deceived again

In the meadow of my insouciant mind
As i wait to feel your love anew
The bells still toll in renewed fervour
For my heart will always beat for you
I love you, knowing not what you are
But for what I be, when with you

Some day when I will not be around
Some day when the light will be snuffed out
Some day when there wont be any memories
And I will be relegated to unremembered dreams

Then you will be free as a bird
To laugh as you please, run with your herd
No more you will need to react
No more love's drama to enact

Down by the alley once...my lover and I...we did meet
Her smile..so enchanted me...that I forgot to greet
She wished me ... a good morning... A good day
Little does she know..I have lost my wits...day after day

I believe in you so much because, I dunno, maybe since I am foolish and mad
But then I know what you are...and you are much better than what you think you are!!!
So go forth and snatch what is yours for the taking, whether you deserve it or not
When the world is yours to seize, why care for all the things that don't matter at all?

The day you cease being in my life
Is the day I cease to be
What do I do with these lovely meadows
Without a flower as sweet as thee???

I looked at you, the way its meant to
My eyes pierced into your soul
But all around I could see was zilch
There was nothing for me to behold

I laughed hard, till I could no more
And then I cried and cried, some more
I hoped your heart had a room for me
But by then you had shown me the door

How stupid I must have felt; Your smile
How wicked it looked on your mouth
The way I hoped was so quixotic
The way I stared, yes, so uncouth

All that I need is to find some peace
Now all that I need is some sign
I only wish to float down the life stream
And search within, the truth, divine

He had said all his goodbyes
He had no time for his pain
He hoped they will all understand
Didnt have anything else to gain

Life had been a brief stopover
To replenish his dog-tired soul
There was no hope in his Pandora's box
All dreams sucked by a mean black hole

Ah!! To be supped by all that gloom
There is so much pleasure in despair
He longed to hear that wicked smile
The Reaper with his pale death stare

But hark!!! Who pricks his beloved darkness?
And intrudes in his private moment!!!
Why pierce his pitch-black spirit?
The audacity to wreck his rant!!!

Did someone just touch his heart?
A recall from a past well blanked out
A dip in his inner sea of memories
A pulchritudous profile thrushed out

A longing, a desire, a simple wish
A feel of a beautiful future
Was all that a beam of hope needed
To rouse him into an ecstatic rapture

There is always something to love
Something to look for with gay
A beautiful dawn is close at hand
That will take your breathe away

All that I had to love was you
All that I had for to pine
You were an oasis in the desert of despair
Love's most sacred shrine
If only the world was not so cruel
To hide heart's path of thine
If only I had not caught Loki's eyes
And then you would have been mine